I know they say that becoming a parent changes you...and I am beginning to realize that more and more each day.
I can no longer watch the news without getting super emotional. I have always been that person who cries at the news story about a dog saving a human from a burning building or a military parent surprising their child at school after a long deployment, but after the elementary school shooting in Connecticut I couldn't bring myself to watch the news - all I needed to know is that innocent babies died and families were forever changed because of a choice one person made. I did not need to know the specifics - teachers and students died...enough said.
Christmas Eve I learned of a high school classmate whose baby girl died in a tragic swingset accident - it was also my classmate's birthday.
After hearing of both the Connecticut school shooting and my classmate's baby girl, my first thought in each instance was a parent-thought - there were probably presents under the Christmas tree for each and every one of those children that would never be opened and there were bedrooms with clothes, un-made beds, hand-print artwork and stuffed animals that would be stopped in time forever.
It is these moments that remind me to slow down and enjoy each breath RF takes and each smile he makes.
Change happens so quickly - I am already packing up outfits that no longer fit and a car-seat head rest that was too constraining. I am watching him transition from a cradle by our bed to his crib in his room. I am buying Stage 2 diapers and am wondering what his first word will be as he coos and babbles when we talk to him.
Change happens each and everyday, whether we want it to or not. Understanding and embracing the change is the hard part for me. While I hope I never experience what those families in Connecticut and my classmate in Gulf Shores have gone through, their loss has reminded me, yet again, how incredibly lucky RA and I are to have such a happy and healthy baby boy.
As I type this, RF is sleeping on my chest and all I hear are his breaths and the tick-tock of the mantle clock. I know that one day he won't want to sleep in my arms, but I hope he knows he always can. With all the changes in our lives and in the world, one constant I know for sure is the love of a mama and her baby...that, my friends, will never change.
