Today wasn't great, but this not great day opened my eyes to something I needed to experience.
The rough...the frustrating...the aggravating...and the overwhelming moments wove themselves together into a tapestry of realization...and it was just what I needed when I needed it. So, here's how it happened...
Since today was a teacher work day, the boys were with me all day. And while that usually makes teacher work days a little harder, they loaded down my car with Legos and other toys this morning so that they would be good and entertained as I worked.
All was well...until we got home this afternoon.
I took one load of stuff (toys, bags, mail, etc.) into the house and decided to go ahead and put the boys dinner in the oven. As I grabbed a pan I heard Ellis yell, "NO! DAISY COME BACK HERE!"
Yep...Daisy had slipped past one of the boys as they were coming in with their stuff...
I dropped the pan and ran out the door chasing that dang dog into the neighbors yard. She finally decided to slow down and I was able to grab her while RF came running with her leash.
Crisis averted...Daisy is now back in the house. As the boys continue to unload the car, I go back to getting dinner in the oven. And then I hear, "NO! GUS AND DAISY COME BACK HERE NOW!"
Yep...BOTH beagles are running through the back yard. Upon hearing my tone (let's just say I made it very clear that I was mad as a wet hen), both beagles tucked their little tails between their legs and ran back into the house. Crisis averted again.
With all doors securely shut (and locked) I finally got dinner in the oven and went to change clothes. Coming out of my bathroom I heard RF crying. As I walked into his room to check on him, he was under his bed sobbing. I coaxed him out and asked what was wrong. He said, "I keep messing up! I can't do anything right!" He blamed himself for letting the puppies get out and upon coming back into the house he dropped his Lego box with one of his Lego constructions in it and it broke. He was overwhelmed and heartbroken. I decided to take a moment and just sit with him. Sometimes we just need a hug, right? After he calmed down I reassured him that the dogs getting out and him dropping his Legos were both accidents and that he is allowed to make mistakes. I'm not perfect and I would never expect him to be. I then reminded him of all of the things that he did right today - saying yes ma'am and no ma'am, playing kindly with his brother, helping me in my classroom, offering to hold the door open for me while I walked into my classroom when my hands were full, etc. He smiled and said, "I love you, mommy." #cuethetearsfrommommy
I had to walk outside to get it together. I needed a minute. The last 15 minutes of my day had been chaotic, to say the least. As I wandered the back yard for a bit and then sat down next to one of my flower beds where the narcissus are blooming I closed my eyes and thought about my word for this year...joyful. And I thought about the sign on my mantle...in all things find joy.
In all things find joy...you have to actively search for it. You have to want it in order to see it sometimes. If you don't want it, you won't search for it and if you don't search for it you won't find it.
So the majority of my day that was pretty normal had lots of obvious joy in it, but could I find joy in the last 15 minutes?
And after sitting and thinking and listening it came to me...the joy in the last 15 minutes is that I forced myself to stop and reflect and actively search for the joy.
The joy wasn't obvious, but it was powerful. It wasn't bright, smiling faces. It wasn't standing in front of me shouting "Here I am...look at how much joy is in your life!"
It was tear stained cheeks (RF's and mine). It was running through the backyard chasing after the dogs. It was a conversation about not needing to be perfect. It was remembering that every day isn't great, but that there are great things in every day.
I chose to find the joy in the rough...in the frustrating...in the aggravating...and in the overwhelming moments.
Cheers to a joyful 2020, my friends! May you find joy in your daily life...:-)
